Thursday, January 6, 2011

What We Talk About When We Talk About Communication

"Will you drop for two burgers medium and a grilled cheese?"
"Is that going with your fish and chips. . .what's that going with?"
"Drop that too."

"New in. . .burger, well done, no cheese, no mustard, no lettuce, no tomato, no onion, on a wheat bun."
"The wheat bun makes it healthy."
"Is that for a child?"
"Hockey puck."

"It's just for decoration, man, that's it and that's all."

"Are you putting lime juice in the chili? There's no lime juice in the chili. Apple cider vinegar."
"Sorry I like to party."

"From where I'm standing, it looks like you're masturbating behind that wall."
"I'm peeling the fuck out of these potatoes."
"Cranking out the chips."
"Best euphemism for masturbation. Ever."

"Go fuck yourself."

"Chicken pot pie. . .[sung to the tune of Live and Let Die]"

"Are you ready for chips for those two burgers medium?"
"Cheesing them now."
"Run tell that."

"What's going on?"
"I broke another fucking yolk. What the fuck? I can't flip a fucking egg?"
"That's the third one tonight."
"You want me to flip that for you, papi?"
"Fuck you."

"That salad was really good. It could have had more of that cheese, though."
"What cheese?"
"The cheese on it."
"Dude, that's avocado."

"When no one is looking, I put bacon fat in the hamburgers."

"Drop that fish and chips for my bar steak."
"Heard, papi."
"Thanks, papi."
"Run sell that."


"Can I get a coldy?"

"Snack plate. New in. . .Snack plate."
"Must be Friday."
"New in. . .snacken platen."

"Fuck me (sound of a ticket printing)."
"Right now, that is the most demoralizing sound I've ever heard."
"It just doesn't stop."
"I guess that's the point, right?"
"Run tell that, homeboy."

"The whistles go woooooooo."

"Hey, y'all. This pork roast was supposed to be a roast chicken."
"Ticket said pork."
"I know. I need it on the fly."
"That's a ten minute pick-up? On the fly my ass."

"What do you want?"
"High Esteem."
Time passes.
"Where's my beer?"
"I got you an iced tea?!"
"Iced tea?"
"That's what you said."
"High Esteem. Why the fuck would I want an iced tea right now?"

"I'm going to the walk-in, y'all need anything?"
"Right, thanks."

"86 the will to live."

"Wings in a bar? Who knew!?"

"Is there anything else y'all need from me?"
"Yeah, get the fuck out of here."
"Ok, papi."

"New in. . .fish and chips, fish and chips, fish and chips. FUCK."
"There's a new ticket."
"New in. . . fuck me. . .fish and chips, mixto, fish and chips, burger medium, bacon, fried egg, add chili."
"Whoever ordered that is my hero right now."

"I'm out of saut├ęs."

"What the fuck is that?"
"Pig face."
"That looks disgusting."
"Wanna try some?"
"Fuck no."
"It's really good."
"I don't care."
"You vegetarians are all the same."


"New in. . .wedge salad, sub cheddar, and ranch."
"Is that necessary?"
"I didn't think you could make a wedge more white trashy."
"Whoever that was just did."

"These fucking eggs are killing me. Why can't I flip an egg?"
"You have to be more confident. The eggs sense your fear. Just like a dog."


Anonymous said...

Suddenly, I miss my days of working in restaurants.

juancho said...

A long weekend in New Orleans does not warrant a few lines from the Bearded Gourmand? or photos?

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